Over the last several days, I’ve been breaking down the list (with a few additions – I knew I forget a few things) from Trust the Process – Part 1 into 4 categories: Health/Wellness/Nutrition, Lifestyle, Career and Hobbies. There are a few things that are in more than one category. It breaks down like this:
Health/Wellness/Nutrition: healthy diet • harmful-chemical free food • non-GMO • local food • gluten free • leaky gut • candida gut • my current health issues • allergies/severe mold allergies • get fit • cooking healthy nutritious meals for my family • education • energy • hormonal imbalance • thyroid disorder • recipes • holistic healing • essential oils • rest • juicing • meal planning • cutting toxins from products we use in our home • living with a bleeding disorder •
Lifestyle: Be a light in a world full of darkness • raising boys • one word movement • commit • new house • teaching my boys to focus more on the gospel, less on themselves • being more gospel focused myself • making things look beautiful • happiness • living with a bleeding disorder • leadership • grace • commit to goals • fashion/clothing/makeup • interior design • encouraging women to see their own beauty • building others up • growing friendships • creativity • trends • life hacks • mom guilt • organization • marriage • fear of failure • focus • hair styles • bold • brave • prayer • pride • giving • family • insecurity • recipes • photography • planners • budgeting • cleaning • being present • saving • grateful • creating memories with my family • wife life • more experiences/less stuff • measuring up • being transparent • fear of judgement •
Career: sales/marketing • elementary librarian • barista/coffee shop owner • blogging • realtor • small business owner • education • hair stylist • photography • nutrition health coach •
Hobbies: hand lettering • all things DIY • sewing • painting • interior design • writing • coloring •
I’ve already started to realize a lot about myself during the process of committing these things to paper. It’s crazy! There are things on my list that I’m not even necessarily interested in anymore. But, because I have allowed my mind to topic hop and wander freely without focus for so long, I didn’t even notice my feelings about certain things have changed. More than that, I’ve found the need to give myself permission to move on and let things go.
It seems like such a simple thing. But I’ve been mentally hanging on to it ALL, beating myself up for not acting on certain things, not succeeding at others and feeling like a failure for not being able to work them all out.
Let me try to explain what this looks like in my mind: On any given day, I will pass a house for sale, see a design show on TV, talk to our realtor (we are in the market for a new home) etc and be reminded of just how much I think I would love to be a real estate agent. One thought leads to another (that entrepreneurial mind thing) and the next thing I know I’m entertaining thoughts of remodeling and flipping homes, in addition to selling them (I’ve done my share of remodeling in the past so this isn’t a completely irrational train of thought to have). The next day, we go see a house with our realtor, my love of houses is reaffirmed and I leave with visions of becoming a realtor running rampant in my head. The following day, I’m super ill and can barely function because I was unknowingly exposed to mold in the house we saw the day before.
Without taking a few minutes to acknowledge the health issues I currently face from being in a random house for even just 15 minutes, my mind is on to the next thing – usually trying to survive until I can function again…… And I never slow down to give myself permission to let the realtor thing go.
Yes, I love houses! Yes, I love remodeling and design, but there is nothing about my current season of life in which being a realtor makes any sense. None at all. I live in one of the moldiest states there are. Seriously, mold is everywhere here. And not always in places you see or might expect it. It’s known for hiding in walls and window sills, in carpet, in the basement, in duct work, the grass, fields, on pets, honestly, the list goes on and on. *It’s important to note that I’m not talking about black mold that is harmful to anyone that comes in contact with it. I’m talking about common molds that someone with a healthy immune system will never notice.
I’m severely allergic to 8 different types of mold (in addition to other allergens – but mold is definitely the worst). I’m on a four year allergy shot plan to build up my immune system. It requires that I get allergy shots on a routine basis where the dose and strength of serum constantly get stronger. Because of these shots, my immune system is always under attack. And because of this, I get sick super easy (these are bonus illnesses that I get in addition to being sick from mold). My kids are in public school, they bring home all kinds of germs – and if there’s a sickness to be had, you can bet, I’ll be the one to get it.
Getting back on track – I haven’t really stopped to release myself from feeling like I should be a realtor. So the next time I think about real estate, there will be an underlying feeling of guilt for not having started the process to become a realtor. This is the same process that happens with each individual thing. I always lump in a bunch of other things with it, never really give them much thought or consideration, other than feeling like I’m interested so I should be working out a way to make it all happen.
OH MY GOSH THE MENTAL GYMNASTICS!!!!!!! It’s exhausting.
This, my friends, is why I started down this road to begin with. I am ready to release myself from unnecessary guilt and unnecessary feelings of failure. And boy, does it feel good ❤