Trust the Process

The powers that be say: Trust the Process.  Do the things.  Make the lists.  Lucky for me, I’m a list maker.  A lover of all things paper.  And I’m a little obsessed with pens and markers.  There’s something so wonderfully productive about checking an item off a list.  I may or may not be guilty of occasionally writing something down just to check it off!  Does anyone else do this?!?

In an attempt to narrow my focus I’m listing things I relate to, am currently doing or struggling with, things I like to do, want to do, am inspired by, interested in – you get the idea 🙂  This is not a complete list, I ‘m sure I’m leaving things out, and it’s not in any sort of order.  My goal for today is just to get them down so I can begin to look at each one individually:

• healthy diet • harmful-chemical free foods • non-GMO • local food • gluten free • leaky gut • candida gut • sales/marketing • elementary librarian • barista • coffee shop owner • hand lettering • blogging • realtor • getting fit • all things DIY – literally #allthethings • sewing • painting • small business owner • being a light in someone else’s darkness • raising boys • one word movement • commit • new house • cutting harmful-chemical exposure from everyday products for myself & my family • cooking nutritious healthy meals for my family • teaching my boys to focus on the gospel • being more gospel focused myself • making things look beautiful • happiness • living with a bleeding disorder • leadership • grace • goals /commit • fashion/clothing • interior design • marriage • organization • mom guilt • life hacks • trends • creativity • friendships • building others up • encouraging women to see their own beauty • education • writing • fear of failure • focus • hair styles • stylist • energy • bold • brave • prayer • coloring • pride • giving • family • hormonal imbalance • thyroid disorder • insecurity • recipes • photography • planners • budgeting • cleaning • being present • holistic healing • essential oils • nutrition health coaching • rest • juicing • saving • grateful • creating memories with my family • wife life • more life experiences – less stuff • meal planning • health issues • allergies/severe mold allergies • measuring up • being transparent • fear of judgement •

Are you starting to see my struggle?!?  All these things and more are constantly fighting for my mental attention.  Can you relate?

Next goal: divide this list into categories and subcategories.  aka – make more lists 🙂

 

Self-Doubt

Do you ever feel like you should do #allthethings??  I do.  I mean, I literally do.  If I see something that I know I can do, or that interests me, I feel like I should be doing it.  On top of that, I’m ultra impressionable – if I see someone doing something that I admire, it makes me want to do it too.  I was also born with an entrepreneurial mind.  I see business potential in everything around me.  And because I like #allthethings and want to be #allthethings and do #allthethings I end up mentally exhausted #allthetime.

Realistically, I know doing #allthethings is not an option.  I’m one person, right?!?  But I can promise you, on a regular basis, I feel like I should be doing them.  It’s a viscous mental cycle that offers me no rest.  So it’s hard to know what I want to do with myself when I can’t focus on one thing for any length of time.  And because I’m exhausted from all the mental gymnastics, I never actually commit.  I end up hanging out in limbo-land.  COMMIT is my One Word for 2018 – you can read more about that here.

Now, to be honest, I have owned a couple of small craft businesses that were successful for a time.  Success is another one of those subjective words, so let me clarify- my businesses always made a profit.  Never a ton of money, but a decent supplement to my husbands income.  The nice thing about owning your own craft business is you can try #allthethings if you want to!  And I did.  I took a lot of custom orders which kept things fresh and fun… for a time.  I loved working those businesses, until I didn’t.  I eventually gave each one up because I found myself lacking desire and commitment while being mentally pulled off into new directions.

In an effort to narrow my mental focus, I’ve decided to start writing more.  I want let go of the noise constantly fighting for my attention and settle my focus.

This, my friends, is where the self doubt comes pouring in.  What am I going to write about?  Does anyone want to hear what I have to say?  Are my thoughts my own?  Will those closest to me read my blog and think ‘geesh she is trying hard to be something she’s not.’  Will anyone relate to me?

As a blogger, how do you find the courage to open up if you don’t really know where you are going?  Is it incredibly narcissistic to think I have something worth saying?  Oh, how I envy those with the confidence to know.  They have found their place, their passion, their purpose.  My goal is to join them someday soon.